Episode 18: Taking it Back

[00:00:05] Are we recording on the phones? Yeah. Yeah. 4K? Yeah. Okay. 4K. Welcome to Episode 18. Yeah, y'all. It's a different day from the last one, I swear to God. Different outfit. Happy to be here. Can't prove it. Different skirts. Can't prove it. For sure. Okay, what's the point of wearing these shirts if you're just going to say it? Because it's fun. That's the funny part. Because you can edit them out. Or it's fun. It is funny. They're going to be like, wait. We tricked ya.

[00:00:35] See what we did there? Same day. If you didn't catch that. Yeah. It's fine. It's the magic of movie making. We think we're funny. My name is Jacob Samuel Bushman. Hi Jacob. Hi Jake. Hi Jake. Hi. And I used to be married to Toby Lynn Blake. Woo! Who is currently married to Anthony Jonathan Farish. That's right. Who has never been married to Tiffany Helen Minnick. Helen Bushman. Bushman. Yeah.

[00:01:05] Right. Sorry I was using all the OGA. I like that. I like that. I like that too. Now they're going to search for me and see my identity. Thank you. It's over now. Her socials. I can tell you Jake socials. Look up her books. T.H. Snyder. Oh! That's a lesser known fact about Tiff. Is that she is getting hot in here. Motherfucker just made me come. Oh! They know.

[00:01:38] Tiff wrote erotic novels guys. Juicy. I was given one. She gave me one for, was it like a Christmas? I think so. Or Mother's Day or something. And yeah. I mean. Thoroughly entertaining. Really impressive. Find it on Amazon. T.H. Snyder. I remember I was driving to Utah to get. That's right. My kids that was up there at the time. And I had a glass of wine and had the night to myself.

[00:02:08] And she was giving me the play by play and I'm like, ayo. Awesome that you did that. I just always forget that our co-mommies this badass author that went to like authors conventions and she's a badass. One day I'll get back into it. Like my retirement will be doing that again I guess. What if we. I enjoyed it. It was like therapeutic. Perfect. Can we co-author like the four of us just read an erotic novel? About furries? Set in space. Space Odyssey. Space furries.

[00:02:37] On our party barge. Space furries. Space furries. On a party barge. Don't say too much. Don't say too much. The students are going to take it. No spoilers. Yeah. We need NDAs signed. That's right. N-H-N-D-A's. All right. So. N-H-N-A. Two truths and a lie. D-G-M. Tiff, what you got for us? D-G-M. Okay. Well, the author one is out the window now. Um, but let's see. Okay.

[00:03:04] When I was seven, I was skiing and a ski pole went through my neck and was like a millimeter from my carotid artery. What? That was frightful. Um. What millimeter is not. Carotid. You're corroded. We're going to fight tonight. Millimeter is not many meters at all. No. That's so close. Yeah. And I have, well, yeah. Later we'll have to look at the lump. You know what?

[00:03:30] I just remembered about this game is that you're supposed to ask questions to like, see if they're telling the truth about stuff. Oh. Were you taken to the hospital? Number two. I am horrifically allergic to bees. So, Macaulay Culkin and my girl, that's me. Dude, I'm super allergic to. Yeah. If that's true, which I think. Where are her glasses? She can't see without her glasses. I was waiting for her. Put her glasses on. And I've played the piano since I was three. Whoa.

[00:04:00] If that's true, I'm missing out. Is that true, Jake? Define place. He's like, I don't even know if any of these are correct. Dun, dun, dun, da, da, da, da, da, da. Does that count? Yeah, that's fair. Okay. Seriously. So how did the artery get so corroded? And why is it so close to that ski pole? I grew up on a farm. Okay. Was there snow on the farm? Of course. I'm from Pennsylvania.

[00:04:31] I think the lot. The resort. Yes. Well, we did have a lot of hills in our backyard. Ah, snow, corrosion, rust. Yes. Okay. I get it. I get it. A rusted artery. Played the piano since I was three. I think that's a lie. I'm going with that too. If it's not a lie, I feel robbed of the concert. I want a concert next week. Yeah. I feel like I know for sure that that's the lie.

[00:04:59] Oh, Chan knows for sure. I don't know if Jake's sure. I mean, I know- Her favorite color is Tiffany Webb. I know you don't play the piano, but that would have to mean that the ski pole thing was true. And that's a lot. And that's super fucked up. Yeah, because you'd- So I'm going to go, I abstain. You just- I bleed the fan. I don't play- I'm not playing this game. I don't play dumb games.

[00:05:38] Are you okay? Yeah, I have a little lump here still. Like where the- Like it was like the scar. That's crazy. She's like, but I do play the piano. It was- But we were just talking about it in cascades. It was all corroded. My brain was corroded when we were talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, I'm so glad. The more you know of me. That's crazy. You live to tell the tale? Yeah, because I was just a little tyke. Wow, a little one. And you do ski, right? Mm-hmm.

[00:06:07] AJ and I want to learn to ski so we can ski with you. Well, I have not in a long time. So we can ski with you. So we can be a snow family. Should we start tomorrow? I do have to work. It is a Friday. But Chan's down. Chan, will you start for me tomorrow? Yeah. You down to go up? Okay. Chan's gonna start for me tomorrow so I should be good by April. Perfect. Nice. Surrogacy skiing. Perfect. Oh.

[00:06:37] Well, so today we have decided to go all the way back. Oh boy. All the way back to the beginning. It's dangerous territory. It is. I'm scared for our listeners because I wasn't here for this. Tiff's about to learn. So what did we want to talk about today? I think you guys have got to start. I had a Volkswagen bug. Oh. That's true. Because I wasn't around for the first part either. Mm-mm.

[00:07:11] Seven months. Six months and two, what? Six months and one day because I think I moved out July 9th. I met you December 10th. Is that five months and one day? Six months and one day? Six months and one day. Um, so he was around for a lot of it but I don't know. Where did we go wrong? I think it was when I took you and your sister Andrea to a movie.

[00:07:38] And we saw 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. Oh my God. And I was like, I'm being such a nice guy. I'm treating both these ladies to a movie. And they were like- Don't look at me. Crying their eyes out during the entire thing. I'm like, what? Oh my God. It's only bad if you were laughing at the jokes. What the hell is wrong with these people? You should have run. I should have run. I think it did. I was a mess. And then I felt bad and it came back. Probably. Oh my God.

[00:08:06] Yeah, that walking into a movie about Sandra Bullock going to rehab and we had, you know, visited my mom in many rehabs in our life and both of us were a wreck. That would have been a red flag for you to run. And I don't think I had been advised by either of them that that situation was going on. So I was just like, oh, you know, Sandra Bullock's hot and we're going to see Sandra Bullock movie. There we go. It's the 90s. Nothing hotter than Sandra Bullock and Reha. Oh, Sandra Bullock was mwah.

[00:08:35] I love her so much. I still love her. She does. That's true. I've heard that a lot. Did you guys know she got robbed? Like legitimate break-in and she had a safe closet that had like a metal door, like a safe room made in her house. And she, the call is public, you know, record. From 9-1-1. From her safe room? So I listened to the call of Sandra Bullock being like, they're here. I can hear them. They're knocking on the door. Please get here. It was fucking crazy. Wow. And it's real.

[00:09:04] And she survived it. But yeah, she's a badass. She's a really cool lady. I like her a lot. And her husband, they seem to be really in love, passed away a couple years ago. I didn't have that. So she's like living life all alone now. So she's available. Yes. Oh my God. Boys? I can marry you. Oh my God. Maybe we could start a quintuple. Oh, now we're talking. With Sandra Bullock. I'd take another sister wife if it was Sandra.

[00:09:33] I'll marry anybody for a safe room. I'll need a safe word. Yes. For Sandra Bullock. She got so many great movies. The Net. While You Were Sleeping. Oh my God. Speed, yes. She's great. Yes. Blind Side. That was a great movie. Really good. Who knew we were going to talk about Sandra Bullock today? I love her. As soon as we talked about going all the way back, I figured she'd be a part of it.

[00:10:00] So, is that when you started dating or when you realized that you should get divorced? How far back are you going? Both. Oh. Dude, that was when he was dating. Enough to date. I don't think I was on both. Just kidding. Just kidding. Did I just hear correctly? The first date I ever went on with Jake, I was pissed about. Oh. And it wasn't with Jake. It was with his best friend.

[00:10:30] My sister, my older sister, she and her best friend were going to go on a double date. And my sister was dating Jake and her best friend was like sick. You have like a family tree. And I was 15 and I was not, like the Mormon religion told you you don't date till 16. So, I was strictly following that rule for myself. And she was like, you have to go or you're, you know, I'm going to be so, like there's no one to go with Tom.

[00:10:57] And so, I went on a date and I cried that night. Like I felt so guilty for upsetting God by going on a date. Even though I had a blast. We had a great time. Tom Deary blew my mind. He was so funny and cool. And I did, he ended up being my first kiss, my first boyfriend. Jake was there for my first kiss. Go Tom. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. Tom, Tom, Tom. Tom, Tom. Tom, Tom. Tom, Tom.

[00:11:24] But yeah, I was mad about going on that date because I felt so guilty and I literally had to repent for doing that. So, it's stressed. Had I known this, I probably wouldn't be sitting at this table right now. Yeah. Right. 15. So, yeah, we met. Tom is an icon. He's so freaking cool. We named our son Thomas after Tom Deary. He was your boyfriend, first boyfriend, my best friend.

[00:11:54] Yeah. Um, you know, I grew up loving music so much. I still love music so much. He was the drummer and I was the vocalist. We had so many different performances like, um, throughout high school. The seat belts. We were inseparable. Irris, iris, iris separable. Irris separable. Irris separable. Irris separable. That's a word for sure.

[00:12:16] Their friendship was extremely special and, and Tom looked out for Jake and Jake looked out for Tom and they had so much fun and they accepted each other as they were. And Tom was different. Like for Jake to be his best friend says a lot about Jake. Tom wore mascara, which I thought was super hot as a high school girl. I was like, that's cool. And he wore girls bell bottoms. And I was like, that's cool.

[00:12:45] I, I loved how edgy and different he was. He did not give a fuck what people thought about him. He signed his name, Jim Morrison from the doors. He was obsessed with Jim Morrison from the doors. Yeah. He was a wonderful first boyfriend and it wasn't even a lot of like physical anything. I mean, it was just like, I adore this human because he's so unique and authentic.

[00:13:11] And I think he still is in his life very unique and authentic and really cool. He has a podcast now about music and I don't know. But yeah. Well, that's cool. I remember we, uh, we were having this, our band performed a church dance at least once. Multiple times. It was a multiple times. We were your backup dancers. Well, there was one time where he was, uh, I can't remember if he was actually singing a Jim Morrison song. He was. Uh, fire or something.

[00:13:41] Was it light my fire? Yes. Come on baby, light my fire. Maybe he starts unbuttoning his shirt. Oh no. Anyway, it was, it was a youth Mormon dance and. That one sounds quick. All the adults like come walking up. No, you can't. You can't. They literally stop. Get off your clothes. He's like, put your shirt back on. That is amazing. Whoopsie. He's all getting to do it in a church. Come on baby, light my fire. I love that the way you describe him is very, in a lot of ways similar to how Thomas.

[00:14:10] Yeah. Very unique. Doesn't care what other people think. Totally. Don't give a fuck about you. I'm being named. Okay. So that's our past. It was fine. And here we are. And here we are today. Nothing else happened. If we're going at that rate, then this is going to be a long episode. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. Oh my God. So let's get to the heart part, I guess. We had a lot of good times.

[00:14:34] I think one thing that Jake and I had going for us is that we were always really good friends. And when we were married, we laughed a lot and we joked a lot and we had a lot of fun and we did not fight a lot. Like it's not like we were screaming and yelling at each other all the time. But I was very unhealthy and unhappy.

[00:14:59] And I think that if things were different and I had an awareness and an understanding and healing and whatnot, things probably would have... I have no idea how things would have turned out. But I know that when I got married to Jake, I was... And this is so tricky. This is so hard to talk about. Like we've never gone here.

[00:15:25] But like I really felt like I loved Jake and I was excited to marry Jake. And also a huge part of that was safety and stability and feeling like I will be okay with this person, you know? Because I had had no stability in my life and no safety and literally all I wanted was safety and to be a mom, you know?

[00:15:53] It was like my whole aspiration in life is to have my own family that I could be the mom that I always longed for myself or something like that. You know, these things we come up with in our mind. So when I married Jake, I was just completely unprepared for what marriage is, for what partnership is, for what being an adult is. I was 11 days out from my 19th birthday or something like that.

[00:16:22] August 11th, August 29th. What's the 18 days? 18 days. So I was a child. I was barely 19 years old and we got pregnant very quickly. But after I got pregnant or after we got married, like two months in, I was calling fertility doctors and being like, can you help me get pregnant? I want babies. I, you know, and they're like, you have to try for at least a year before we're even willing to look at you, you know?

[00:16:50] And Jake had had testicular cancer and he was told that he would not be able to even have children. And both of my sisters struggled with infertility issues for years before we got married. And so when we got married and we were able to conceive Chandler without any help, it was like we were just beyond elated and overjoyed and grateful. And he literally was a miracle.

[00:17:19] And, and he became the absolute light and joy of our lives. And, and I was a mom and I was so grateful. But, but once I made my, my dream of being a mom come true, I feel like it set in that we were not healed. And we were, there was so much going on behind the scenes. And I was completely naive.

[00:17:46] I had no idea that my life was not what I thought it was. And at the same time, I look at that time and I think how difficult it must have been for you. Because once I got married, I sunk into a very deep depression. And so we were like in love and happy and joyful and having so much fun as like kids in love, you know, or whatever.

[00:18:14] And just like Jake was like the world's best boyfriend. Just like so many fun dates and gifts. And, and he helped me take care of my mom who was homeless while we were dating. And it was a whole thing. But I sunk very deep into depression. After we got married, I was like, just like, oh my God, I haven't lived my life. I had, and I had these very secret attractions to women that I had never ever addressed.

[00:18:45] And that became a very compounded issue because it was something I had never even spoken out loud. And so to continue to have children and to be married to a man and to be in this religion. And there was so much. And, and I was just completely lost and doing my best to just be the best mom I could be. But I live back on that time.

[00:19:12] And there's so much pain, so much confusion, so much literal sickness. You know, I, I was diagnosed with MS at 21 years old and my health declined very quickly. And I was just sick, sick, sick in every way in sexuality and my identity and my mental health and in my physical health. I was sick, you know.

[00:19:37] And I, I felt like I wouldn't survive if I stayed in the marriage. I felt like I was, I was drowning. And I, and it wasn't even until I was several months into my relationship with AJ that I finally disclosed to my best friend Christopher that I think I'm bisexual. I'm like, I don't know what this means, but, and I'm crying. I'm hysterical. I'm terrified to say it out loud.

[00:20:06] We're living in Texas at the time. It was the first time that came out of my mouth. And I'm like, I'm scared to say it, you know. And I'm like, I think I'm bisexual. And he goes, so what? That's the friend I need. That's Christopher. He's like, who cares? You know? And I'm like, really? It was terrifying.

[00:20:31] And so I just think there were so many things that were not my fault and not Jake's fault. We were two fucking children doing our best and really hurting each other in the process. And so, you know, there were times where I thought Jake was evil and the worst person alive. And I literally hated him. That's what I, how I felt because he felt like a threat to me and my children at times, you know.

[00:20:59] And you go through that when you're going through a divorce and things hurt and things feel like, you know, and we're not giving each other the benefit of the doubt. We've been through the low of the low. We've said things that, you know, I'm sure I've said things to Jake. He still can't forget. And there have been things said to me that I still can't forget. We, we forgive, but some of these things live in us and we choose to show up and love each other anyway, you know. And so, yeah, that's my perspective. That was a lot.

[00:21:31] Good work. Um, the first thing that comes to mind is, is, uh, where my mistakes were in all of it. Cause he didn't mention any of those. Um, I, growing up in the Mormon LDS religion, um, did not know how to admit my mistakes.

[00:21:59] Like, you know, the sins when it, when it comes to all the different rules of that religion. So, um, you know, anytime I looked at porn, I didn't know how to admit it and be honest about it. Like I kept it a secret. Anytime that I masturbated, I did not know how to admit it or be honest with anybody about it. I kept it a secret.

[00:22:25] And, and when it came to experimenting with like different substances, like cigarettes or alcohol, like I just, I got really good at a really young age. Um, just playing the part of the perfect Mormon kid and ultimately doing what I wanted.

[00:22:49] Like, like ultimately, I don't know, like the best way to describe it is leading a double life, I guess. But, you know, I'd like to think that it wasn't that bad. But, um, but any, any rules that I was breaking against the Mormon religion, I was not willing to admit it. I don't know how common it is in that religion. Um, because we didn't, if anybody was like me, we didn't admit it to each other.

[00:23:18] We were all lying to the Mormon society and all pretending that we were perfect on Sunday. Um, when we were in front of everybody else. And so, anyway, at a very, I don't know, I was breaking those rules and lying about them when we were dating. I was breaking those rules and lying about them the entire time we were married.

[00:23:43] And we were, um, you know, married for four or five years. I remember we already had, we already had Chandler and we already had Thomas. When my first, uh, like, you got caught, motherfucker, this situation happened. And, and it had to do with cigarettes, had to do with smoking.

[00:24:06] And so when I got caught with a pack of cigarettes in my car, I was just like, alright, well, cats out of the bag. I'm not perfect Peter Priesthood that I'm pretending to be. I might as well be honest about, you know, about looking at porn and masturbating. So I decided to be honest about, cause I think that literally was everything that I was doing wrong as far as the religion is concerned. Like, as far as their point of view.

[00:24:35] And, uh, so anyway, I hatched it all out and broke that trust. And it was devastating, it was life changing for our relationship. And, it doesn't mean that she didn't forgive me, because she did. Um, but I fucked up again. And then, you know, rough patches and trying to forgive me. And, um, and then I fucked up again. I just couldn't be, I was expected to be perfect by my wife and by the, by the religion.

[00:25:05] And it wasn't her fault, because we were wired that we were supposed to be perfect. And, and, uh, anyway, I just didn't, I couldn't do it. So, so I, uh, but, uh, even after getting caught the first time, I still didn't know how to be honest about it.

[00:25:24] But, like, it took losing this relationship and losing my kids full time to finally decide, like, alright, fuck being dishonest. I can't do it anymore. I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm just gonna be who I am. And, and if you accept me, you accept me. If you accept me, you accept me. So, um, so yeah.

[00:25:53] Just listening to both of you. Like, it's just, for starters, 100%. So many people within all religion and any kind of structure that is telling you what's right and what's wrong are having to suppress and hide the things that are wrong when so often they're things that are just natural. You know?

[00:26:20] I 100% experienced that in my growing up in the church. Um, but anyway, not about me. The point is, like, so common in my belief that that's a thing. And so common to even if you're, like, caught with something or whatever. It's not like it just all of a sudden solves your problem, you know? Or, you know, solves the issue of, like, and you have a lifetime experience of, like, hiding things. You know? Like, because you felt like you had to. You know?

[00:26:49] I think just personally I can relate to that really well and it's difficult. No, you're good. Sorry. One thing that in the last episode we talked about how Jake and I had, like, a heart to heart in their backyard not very long ago. And one thing that Jake mentioned that really affected me profoundly is how much it hurt, I hope this is okay to share,

[00:27:14] um, to, to have me not take his side when the Mormon church was prosecuting or prosecuting him or, like, whatever, judging him and giving him punishments for his behavior. I was on the side of the Mormon church of, like, you need to repent. And you, and, and I, it would have never crossed my mind to not be on the side of God. You know what I mean?

[00:27:45] And, and that is so valid and so real that I wish I would have had that awareness to be like, you know what? No, you don't deserve to feel bad for making a mistake. You know, because he talked about how publicly humiliating it was to not be able to take the sacrament. Because if you make a mistake, they have this public sacrament every week.

[00:28:10] And the people who are not worthy to take that, it's a public thing that people are seeing him not take it. Or if a baby is blessed, which, you know, our babies were blessed. I don't know. I think you blessed all of our babies. I'm not sure. But, but it's a thing that he can't, you know, if one of our nieces or nephews is being blessed and he's been deemed unworthy

[00:28:32] because he looked at pornography or masturbated or smoked a cigarette, then he cannot go up there and stand in that circle to bless the baby. And everybody sees that he is not up there. And every, and, and that is a very humiliating thing that I never experienced in the Mormon church, that I didn't have an awareness of how deeply hurtful that must have been until you expressed that.

[00:29:02] And it really helped me see that it wasn't just me suffering with your mistakes, that you were unfairly suffering too. And that I could have been on your side through that. And so I'm, I just so appreciate you helping me understand how hard all of that was for you. It's not fair.

[00:29:24] And I, you know, other people in religion have different experiences or, or whatnot, but that public open display of worthiness versus unworthiness is traumatic sometimes. And I'm sorry that you went through that.

[00:29:43] I wish I could have been a safe space for you to be flawed, to be human, to fuck up and be like, we make mistakes, you know, but it wasn't, it was very much a standard of perfection. You know, that is what I thought we were doing. You know, so. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, I do remember like you wanted to be that way.

[00:30:09] I mean, when I told you about my first mistake when we were dating, when I was just like, listen, I lied to you about being a virgin when you asked me. I'm not. And, and, uh, I was like, I'm really, really, really sorry. And, and, uh, you were like, that's what, that's what forgiveness is all about. That's what the atonement of Jesus Christ is all about. Like you're forgiven by God and you're forgiven by me.

[00:30:33] You know, it's like you wanted to do that, but at the same time, like we were just wired to expect our relationship to be perfect. I think that's what's so difficult about even like, like sitting here and listening to both of you who I genuinely care about very much.

[00:30:53] The thought I keep having over and over again is how unfair it feels that all of the things that were going on back then, like for all of us, probably, you know, me and my relationship, you and yours prior. And then even when, you know, we got together and then you guys got together and the things with that is like so much of it is just age based and circumstantial.

[00:31:18] And like I was born into an area, a geographical location where the odds of me being this religion are very high. And that ruled my life. That became what for better and worse, what my life experience was. And it's hard to like get older and, and feel like you learn things and gain wisdom and know how to be better, you know, for yourself and for other people. And there's just no going back to do it.

[00:31:46] You know, like you just have to, it's this double edged sword of you have to have those experiences to gain the wisdom. And you can't avoid those experiences until you've done it and gain that wisdom. And I just commend both of you for being super open and straightforward and honest and real about difficult things. It's hard. Mm-hmm. And it's raw to hear it when you weren't a part of it. Yeah.

[00:32:14] But knowing where you are at now, like it's something to be proud of, to be a part of both of your lives because that was awful. And now here you are. Here we are. Besties. Miss, Miss Westies. I'm so grateful that we are to this place.

[00:32:36] And next week we're going to talk about how we got to a place of true friendship and true healing. And, you know, it's not just a black and white thing. I feel like as we evolve and as we grow, we'll continue to unlock new layers. But I think we're on a really good path.

[00:32:57] And I think there's a lot here that can help other people start to open and to see their ex-partner with compassion and love. And I don't know. Yes, absolutely. I think it would be so good to just continue this conversation and keep going. And like, you know, like there's so much there.

[00:33:22] And, you know, I just think about coming into having a relationship with you when I was 28. And the idea of, you know, I had never. I heard you sucked at poker. I did. I never got better either. I think about coming into that relationship at 28 years old and never dating someone who had had kids.

[00:33:51] You know, never dating someone who had been married before. You know, like it wasn't a part of anything I had experienced. And so going into it, there's no part of me that's thinking other than my own experience at that point. That's literally my experience of getting divorced beforehand and the hard things with that was all I had to go off of with the two of your relationship. You know, like I didn't have any kind of awareness or anything about what your feelings might be.

[00:34:17] You know, like like our very first or second podcast, you talking about Disneyland and, you know, your feelings about that and and things like that. It's not crossing my mind, you know, and I think just talking about all of it and different perspectives would be so great. So I'm excited to just continue this conversation. Yes. I do want to say one more thing before I forget. Yes.

[00:34:42] Like, you know, I brought up specific mistakes that I made, but ultimately I do believe and I've understood this for a long time that it's not about the porn. It's not about the cigarettes. It's not about the masturbation. It's the fact about it's the fact that you couldn't be honest about it.

[00:35:01] And if you break that trust with anybody in any relationship that you care about, if you break that trust, then it will rise the question that is really hard to get rid of of what else are they lying about? Oh, sure. And that is so important. And we do our best to really teach that to our kids.

[00:35:23] And I appreciate Jake sharing his story with our kids about how trust takes years to build and moments to break and how it is so precious and valuable in the relationships that matter. Very real. So great. Good point. Well, thanks guys. And what are we talking about next time? We're talking about a continuation of this conversation. Yeah.

[00:35:49] Well, I'm not done with this episode until somebody does a dad joke at least. Yes. Well, we have. Okay, wait. Do I need to spin it? Jake's supposed to draw a picture. It's, we are past time. It's like five Oh five. Who needs it? Oh shit. Let's do it. We got this. We're going to have to speed. Hopefully it's a dad joke. Listener question from chat GPT go. What's the biggest misconception people have about peaceful co-parenting? Oh, here we go.

[00:36:18] I think we should all time ourselves. A misconception. And take 30 seconds. 15 seconds. That's what you get. Let's do it. I think it's Jake's question, but we can share. Oh, I thought everybody was supposed to do this. What is the biggest misconception with co-parenting? It's new to all of us. The biggest deceit, the biggest lie, the biggest misunderstanding people have about peaceful co-parenting. Ooh. They must be sleeping with each other. No, they said misconception on the paper. I don't think they meant conception.

[00:36:50] That's a, not a misconception. That's a maid conception. Wait, this was the dad joke. Oh, right. Yay! Two words! Nailed it! We don't even have to answer now. That's easy, it's easy. Well done. Good job, everybody. Woo! The biggest misconception people have about peaceful co-parenting. I don't know. That's a weird question. We're not even asking.

[00:37:15] I think a good misconception people probably have, because I get this, is that we just get along about everything all the time or something. Or we agree. Yeah, we agree on everything or we don't have different opinions. Or it's just like, you know, like, well what if somebody thinks a different way? Well, we all think a different way. Yeah. We just say it. I think what we've gotten better at is offering our opinion without being like, so that's the answer. And that's what you have to do. Benefit of the doubt. Benefit of the doubt.

[00:37:45] And communication. Like, when something rubs you the wrong way. Yeah. Because that happens all the time. Even when things are really, really, really going well. Yeah. Like, in your marriage and the co-parenting when you're now a blended family. I mean, miscommunication, you know, misunderstandings, it happens all the time. And are we just going to let it slide because we love that person and we're trying to make the best of everything?

[00:38:15] Or like, hey, that felt wrong to me. Can we talk about it? Mm-hmm. Like, communication, communication, communication. And, you know, and it can be peaceful co-parenting. Like, it doesn't ever have to end up being a fight. Mm-hmm. But everybody's got to be on the same page that we're not going to look out for number one. We are giving everybody the benefit of the doubt.

[00:38:44] And when we do get our feelings heard, we're willing to bring it up in a very calm and peaceful manner. Yeah. Like, not like, okay, my emotions are really getting the best of me right now and I'm ready to attack and I want to talk about it now. Mm-hmm. Like, now just, like, fuck you. Fucking sleep on it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, bring it up when you know that you've got complete control over your own emotions. Totally. Say, I would like to talk about something, blah, blah, blah.

[00:39:14] I'm going off on tangents. Mm-hmm. That's good news. No, you're a really good example of that in our family. It's all the things to do. Seriously. I'm like, I'm here for it. Why? You're like, no, I'm like, mm. It's time to go. That's like... You're supposed to be at the club already. That's great. Shaking a tail for me. We got shit to do. We balance each other out. Thanks for being here. Thanks. See you next time. See you next time. Mwah!