In episode 4, we discuss the various love languages and how we are able to learn and better understand how our family, as individuals, feel love from one another.
If you're interested in taking the quiz, here is a link to the one we used.
https://nbcgutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/5.LoveLanguageTest.pdf
[00:00:00] 4 Parents, 9 Kids, 2 Houses, Didn't Really Want to Talk About This
[00:00:07] 4 Parents, 9 Kids, I'm Queer, One Thing's Clear, There's No Dysfunction Here
[00:00:13] 4 Parents, 9 Kids, 2 Houses, Didn't Really Want to Talk About This
[00:00:18] 4 Parents, 9 Kids, I'm Queer, One Thing's Clear, There's No Dysfunction Here
[00:00:24] Baby, baby, baby, 9 Kids, 3 Houses
[00:00:28] Yeah, what was that?
[00:00:30] Banger every time.
[00:00:31] We out here.
[00:00:32] Welcome back.
[00:00:33] Hey, how are you?
[00:00:34] Thanks for showing up for us.
[00:00:35] I'm great.
[00:00:36] How are you guys?
[00:00:37] I'm good.
[00:00:38] We just had a little family activity.
[00:00:41] Mama T was in charge.
[00:00:43] Guess which one?
[00:00:46] The one smiling next to me, Tiff was, well, Tiff and Jake were in charge,
[00:00:51] but Tiff took over this one and did an amazing
[00:00:54] Sunday lesson and an activity.
[00:00:58] And we ate pizza.
[00:01:00] And so we kind of wanted to talk about what we learned in our Sunday lesson today.
[00:01:07] Good work, baby.
[00:01:08] Thanks.
[00:01:10] I think it's so important as a family is because we have to just embrace
[00:01:16] and understand what is everyone's love language and what we may perceive
[00:01:22] that someone's feeling love from us may not at all be how they're feeling loved.
[00:01:27] So we talked about the five love languages.
[00:01:32] We did a quiz and then all of us shared which love language kind of hit home
[00:01:38] as number one for them.
[00:01:39] What was yours?
[00:01:41] Mine was personal touch, which blew me out of the water.
[00:01:45] I'm tickling your back right now.
[00:01:47] Because I've always been a person that from childhood into adult life
[00:01:53] felt very validated by words of affirmation and people telling me
[00:01:57] I'm doing a good job and then I'm appreciated and like, thank you for doing this for me.
[00:02:02] And it was very eye opening that had changed over the course of my life to personal touch.
[00:02:07] Like I did even if it's just like a gentle hand on my back or a hugged,
[00:02:12] you know, a good strong hug from someone that I generally care about it.
[00:02:16] Like I feel it in my soul and I don't need those words of validation anymore.
[00:02:22] And I think that's a huge growth thing for me.
[00:02:24] So I was pretty excited about it.
[00:02:25] But yeah, what was yours?
[00:02:28] Oh, mine was words of affirmation.
[00:02:32] Apparently I need a lot of compliments.
[00:02:35] Just feed me and tell me I'm pretty.
[00:02:39] I didn't really have any idea what mine would be.
[00:02:42] But yeah, I found it really interesting to listen to everybody's and,
[00:02:48] you know, like some of them did surprise me.
[00:02:50] And I really feel like learning the love languages of your children
[00:02:55] and also of your co-parents is really helpful because it helps us
[00:03:00] understand how to help the people we love feel that love, you know,
[00:03:06] instead of doing it the way that we receive love.
[00:03:09] If you have that awareness and that knowledge, then you can go a little bit
[00:03:15] out of your comfort zone maybe sometimes and give that person love
[00:03:19] in the way they receive it best.
[00:03:21] I love that.
[00:03:22] I I thought it was interesting as I was listening to everybody talk about theirs
[00:03:27] that I to think that I had never put it in
[00:03:31] like a box of what my relationship might be like with you versus
[00:03:36] what it might be like with a co-parent versus what it might be like with a child.
[00:03:41] And I think that relationships are so dynamic and so different
[00:03:44] that what your love language is with your spouse or partner or significant
[00:03:49] other might be completely different in like a friend relationship
[00:03:54] or different with a child to parent relationship or work, boss, co-worker,
[00:03:59] whatever relationship like it can be they could be vastly different
[00:04:03] and understanding that that can change for everybody in different ways.
[00:04:06] So for me, my number one was quality time.
[00:04:10] But if I was taking a quiz or answering questions about, you know,
[00:04:14] people at work, that probably might not be my top thing, you know,
[00:04:17] like I don't necessarily need to spend a lot of time with them.
[00:04:20] What's that physical tech?
[00:04:23] But I just think it's something to keep in mind when you're talking
[00:04:27] about yourself and other people and their love languages
[00:04:31] that it can vary and be different.
[00:04:33] And like even if it is the same quality time with Toby,
[00:04:37] might be different from quality time with Jake or quality time
[00:04:41] with one of our kids or whatever it is, you know, mine was a tie
[00:04:45] between quality time and acts of service.
[00:04:51] Yeah, I guess it was just like when people serve me, I guess.
[00:04:54] Nothing wrong with that.
[00:04:55] You're welcome for washing your underwear.
[00:04:57] My leash.
[00:04:59] Thank you, baby.
[00:05:00] I did find it interesting, very interesting that I mean,
[00:05:03] how many people were in that room?
[00:05:05] Well, 1314.
[00:05:07] But there was a lot and not a single person was gifts.
[00:05:12] And I don't know, just from my perspective, I find that
[00:05:15] interesting because that's, I mean, although I do try to
[00:05:21] cover the love languages that are not monetary gifts, but that
[00:05:26] is a big part of how I have shown my love in the past is
[00:05:31] by giving gifts.
[00:05:34] And it was a big deal in my family growing up.
[00:05:36] I mean, we always, always got gifts for each other for every
[00:05:40] every holiday, every birthday.
[00:05:43] Everybody was always giving somebody something.
[00:05:46] But of the dozen people that were there tonight, nobody's
[00:05:50] love language was receiving gifts.
[00:05:52] And I don't know, just kind of feel like I've been, you know,
[00:05:56] it didn't bring me down in the dumps or anything.
[00:05:59] But I'm just like, I've been barking up the wrong tree.
[00:06:03] I think a lot of what that can be too is like when you're
[00:06:06] someone who's so naturally like you, you, you never give
[00:06:10] a gift from a place of wanting to manipulate or to like
[00:06:14] whatever, you know, you're very authentic and just
[00:06:16] wanting to surprise people or make people feel better.
[00:06:20] Or this is something I know you like and will enjoy.
[00:06:23] And I think when people, because a lot of the people in that
[00:06:26] room were us and, you know, kids that have been the
[00:06:29] recipients of that, they, they are already taken
[00:06:33] care of in that way.
[00:06:34] You know, it's not something they need to be shown
[00:06:37] because you're so good throughout their life of, of
[00:06:41] making sure they have what they're excited about or
[00:06:44] they got that cool thing for Christmas or whatever it
[00:06:46] might be, you know?
[00:06:47] And so they're, they're fulfilled in that way
[00:06:49] already.
[00:06:50] And so they don't have a need for it.
[00:06:51] They don't feel like they're lacking it where and
[00:06:52] maybe other ways they feel like, oh, I need physical
[00:06:55] touch or any quality time or whatever it is.
[00:06:57] And that to me is like a signal from kids that says,
[00:07:02] okay, well, where can I feel that then?
[00:07:04] Because maybe I'm already naturally feeling something
[00:07:06] else well, but maybe I need to learn how to fulfill
[00:07:09] something that you need differently now too.
[00:07:12] But I think that's a big part of it is that they're
[00:07:14] taken care of in that way for a lot of it.
[00:07:16] Smart.
[00:07:17] I had not realized that on my own yet.
[00:07:20] Yeah, I agree.
[00:07:21] And I don't even know if it's a thing like, okay, we
[00:07:24] have our love language that makes us feel loved.
[00:07:27] But like it might have made it up in my head or
[00:07:29] maybe who knows?
[00:07:30] But like you're giving love language.
[00:07:33] So what makes you feel like you're happy or
[00:07:38] whatever?
[00:07:38] Like I feel like when I am providing an active
[00:07:41] service to someone that makes me feel good.
[00:07:43] It gives me joy.
[00:07:43] It makes me happy.
[00:07:44] So I don't even know if that's a thing or not,
[00:07:46] but I'm going with it.
[00:07:48] I like it.
[00:07:49] And I think these things are a little more
[00:07:51] complicated than just this is my love language
[00:07:53] across the board, but it definitely helps us just
[00:07:57] get some insight on each other.
[00:07:59] And even with the gift, it's also something that
[00:08:03] I feel like we all do a lot of in our family as
[00:08:05] hugging.
[00:08:06] So it's like I'm looking at this questionnaire
[00:08:08] like now I get enough hugs.
[00:08:09] But if I if my children never wanted to hug me
[00:08:13] or we didn't hug each other, maybe when
[00:08:16] I'm taking that quiz, I would be circling hugs
[00:08:19] more because I'm lacking.
[00:08:22] But I'm so grateful that we are such a hugging
[00:08:25] family.
[00:08:26] Like when all of us get together, there are a
[00:08:29] thousand hugs that take place because when we
[00:08:33] say hello, we hug each other and literally
[00:08:36] everyone hugs everybody.
[00:08:38] And when we say goodbye and you know, I
[00:08:42] think it's very consensual.
[00:08:43] It seems like everyone really is fulfilled by
[00:08:46] that physical touch.
[00:08:47] So didn't really seem like a lot of people.
[00:08:50] I think you might have been the only one whose
[00:08:52] one was physical touch and we can double up
[00:08:54] the hugs to just say the word triple up
[00:08:56] whatever you need.
[00:08:57] Yeah, I think the same thing about what you're
[00:09:01] saying about the physical touch are really
[00:09:04] just all of it coming from a family that did
[00:09:06] not hug very often ever.
[00:09:09] And like there were I love yous involved,
[00:09:13] but they were like fewer and further between,
[00:09:16] you know, and so coming into a family that was
[00:09:21] like hugging all of the times like knew for me.
[00:09:23] And I'm like, OK, I guess we're hugging now.
[00:09:24] This is I didn't know we hug so much.
[00:09:26] But words of affirmation was my number two
[00:09:29] in this quiz and it literally was because I
[00:09:31] feel like growing up.
[00:09:33] There wasn't a lot of that sometimes,
[00:09:35] you know, like you really was only special
[00:09:36] occasions or only when there was like a
[00:09:38] really big hard to hard or some specific
[00:09:40] talk going on.
[00:09:42] And so I think maybe it kind of developed
[00:09:44] me in a way that was like, oh, I need more.
[00:09:46] I need more things said to me to make sure
[00:09:48] I'm doing well or that or that I understand
[00:09:51] that I'm loved by people.
[00:09:53] You are great, AJ.
[00:09:55] You are so awesome.
[00:09:56] Thank you.
[00:09:57] Anybody else who we have?
[00:09:59] Everybody's got a mic.
[00:10:00] OK, we can take turns.
[00:10:02] You look very nice in that maw dish.
[00:10:05] Oh, when's the wedding?
[00:10:06] Thanks.
[00:10:08] I have a gift for you.
[00:10:09] Oh, thank you so much.
[00:10:12] I will wash that lock shirt for you.
[00:10:17] Acts of service gifts all over the place.
[00:10:19] I don't know what I first learned about
[00:10:21] when I put it on.
[00:10:23] When I first learned about love languages,
[00:10:26] I don't know, probably when Chandler was a baby
[00:10:29] ish, you know, probably 20 something years ago.
[00:10:32] I don't know.
[00:10:32] It's at the beginning, it really didn't
[00:10:36] the two way street thing of love language
[00:10:38] has really been dawn on me.
[00:10:40] It's like I thought that we were learning it so that
[00:10:44] so that you would know how to show love towards me
[00:10:47] and I would know how to show love towards you.
[00:10:49] But I don't know, I feel like I was only
[00:10:51] contemplating half of it.
[00:10:53] Like it was like I was only seeing the selfish side
[00:10:56] and not and not the opposite.
[00:10:59] But just through time and growing
[00:11:02] and I don't know, just my mind is opened
[00:11:04] more to what the love languages can actually mean
[00:11:08] and how they can benefit us.
[00:11:09] You know, like you were saying, like you can benefit us
[00:11:11] in every relationship, even with co-workers, bosses.
[00:11:16] I mean, you know, if you care and you're paying attention
[00:11:20] then the love languages can help you in every single
[00:11:24] relationship, which is pretty incredible.
[00:11:25] Yeah, I love that.
[00:11:27] And I think you're touching on something
[00:11:31] that's really important is like the way
[00:11:34] other people are communicating with us
[00:11:36] or the way they're behaving toward us.
[00:11:39] We can open our minds and open our hearts and think
[00:11:42] like maybe this is their way of showing me love, you know?
[00:11:46] I know I've said that to the kids many times
[00:11:50] is like your dad loves through acts of service
[00:11:54] and gift giving and those kinds of things.
[00:11:56] And and I hope you receive that as his love,
[00:12:00] you know, because it's like help.
[00:12:03] It doesn't help us just give love to people better.
[00:12:05] It helps us to receive it because it's like,
[00:12:08] oh, maybe this is how they show that they love.
[00:12:11] And so I think it really can benefit us all the way around.
[00:12:15] I agree.
[00:12:16] There's a co-worker of mine that she just recently went
[00:12:21] around and asked when is your birthday to 50 different co-workers?
[00:12:26] And what's your favorite kind of cake?
[00:12:28] Oh, she fully intends on making every single person
[00:12:31] at work a birthday cake.
[00:12:33] That sounds like it's going to be about once a week for.
[00:12:36] And that's incredible.
[00:12:39] It's amazing, so kind.
[00:12:41] Is it something that I'd like really care about?
[00:12:43] No, absolutely not.
[00:12:45] But just, you know, seeing from her perspective,
[00:12:49] you know, I mean, it's it's so
[00:12:53] so big an idea and so so awesome.
[00:12:56] Is there anything that I would have thought, you know, to do for my co-workers?
[00:13:00] No. And, you know, if it was just me isolated,
[00:13:04] I'd be like, oh, this is so nice. It's so awesome.
[00:13:06] Well, maybe we should run over what the love languages are, Tiff.
[00:13:12] Sure. You got it.
[00:13:14] Just getting like a dig dirt.
[00:13:16] So you have quality time.
[00:13:20] Words of affirmation.
[00:13:23] Receiving gifts.
[00:13:25] Access service.
[00:13:26] Access service and personal touch.
[00:13:29] Good job. I didn't mean to like put you on the spot.
[00:13:31] Oh, shit. Sorry.
[00:13:32] Or you were nailed.
[00:13:33] You just did such a good lesson.
[00:13:35] I'm like, it's fresh on the break.
[00:13:37] You really did.
[00:13:38] And I love the.
[00:13:39] You guys are filling my bucket right now.
[00:13:41] What both of you guys are kind of talking about there.
[00:13:44] Like that when I first learned of the love languages, same thing,
[00:13:48] where I was like, oh, people will know how to love me better.
[00:13:51] This is great, you know?
[00:13:52] And and you kind of just especially,
[00:13:56] I mean, I think when I first heard it, I was like 18 or 19.
[00:13:59] You know, it was pretty young.
[00:14:00] And so you just think because you love someone,
[00:14:04] the way you're going about showing them that you love them
[00:14:07] is the best way because like I love them so much.
[00:14:10] How could this not be the best way?
[00:14:12] And really understanding like, no,
[00:14:15] like just because you may love that way doesn't mean the person receives
[00:14:19] love that way really does help you grow and understand and be
[00:14:24] in more than just knowing how to treat someone well.
[00:14:28] It really opens up your mind to being open to more things
[00:14:32] within that relationship.
[00:14:33] And then on the flip side of the coin, I think it's also important
[00:14:36] that if you have somebody which was kind of brought up already here,
[00:14:40] like you were just saying about, you know, your co-worker making the cakes.
[00:14:43] If someone is showing you love in their way,
[00:14:47] just because it's not the way you receive love doesn't mean you cannot
[00:14:51] appreciate it or feel left by it, you know, or feel the intention behind it
[00:14:56] and and feel good about what that person is trying to provide.
[00:14:59] I think I probably don't do that a lot, you know,
[00:15:02] and that's something good to focus on is just appreciating
[00:15:05] what someone's doing for me, even if like, you know, like this is OK, cool,
[00:15:09] you know, but understanding their intention behind it
[00:15:12] and knowing that it's meant to help improve my life
[00:15:16] makes me feel like I should pay more attention to just appreciating that and
[00:15:20] and verbally thanking, you know, people who go out of their way to show me love
[00:15:24] and whatever whatever way they're showing me love.
[00:15:26] Yeah. And you made a good point by saying like our love language
[00:15:30] may be different based on the person we're with.
[00:15:32] Like today it was focused on the love language of us as a family.
[00:15:36] But I know that there's a love language test for spouses
[00:15:41] and maybe there is one for co-workers, you know, I love the people I work with,
[00:15:45] but I don't know if I want them touching me all the time.
[00:15:48] You know, we've, you know, boundaries, you know,
[00:15:52] some people may not want your hand on the swallow their back or a hug
[00:15:57] and, you know, maybe it would be words of affirmation at work.
[00:16:00] I'm not sure I really have to think about that,
[00:16:03] but I do feel that it's going to vary depending on what relationship you're talking about.
[00:16:07] Yeah. And there is a love language book for co-workers.
[00:16:10] It's called Love Language for Dummies.
[00:16:12] I don't think my co-workers...
[00:16:15] It's right into every job ever.
[00:16:17] Hey, I'm a co-worker too.
[00:16:18] Just kidding guys, you're all very, very intelligent.
[00:16:20] But speaking of dumb co-workers, now this guy, this was years ago
[00:16:27] and I don't even remember what he looked like or what his name is.
[00:16:29] So I'm pretty sure I'm not calling him out or anything like that.
[00:16:31] It was 15 years ago.
[00:16:35] But I feel a stink.
[00:16:37] But pretty common if we're on an overtime to supply food to everybody else.
[00:16:42] Like if we're getting paid extra, then let's get donuts or pizza or whatever and feed everybody.
[00:16:49] So anyway, somebody brought in donuts, one box of donuts, a dozen donuts
[00:16:57] and there were probably 15 of us working that day.
[00:17:00] Oh shoot!
[00:17:01] And so...
[00:17:02] You cut them out.
[00:17:04] I don't even remember those...
[00:17:06] I don't remember any details of the story except for the punchline.
[00:17:09] One guy walks in, not the guy that bought donuts.
[00:17:11] It was a different guy.
[00:17:12] He walks in and opens it up and looks around.
[00:17:15] 15 people.
[00:17:16] He's just kind of looking confused and just says,
[00:17:19] What kind of asshole only buys one box of donuts?
[00:17:24] Somebody who hasn't read the Love Language book.
[00:17:27] Exactly!
[00:17:28] I don't know what's going on.
[00:17:29] And then don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm preaching to the choir or anything
[00:17:33] because I don't even remember what I was doing in the situation
[00:17:36] but I probably wasn't making the situation better.
[00:17:38] Laughing while you ate your donut?
[00:17:40] Yeah, I'm laughing at the asshole that only bought one box of donuts.
[00:17:45] Made fun of his shoes too.
[00:17:48] Gets everyone angry at him when he's trying to be nice.
[00:17:51] But what are some healthy Love Language alternatives
[00:17:56] to saying what kind of asshole only buys one box of donuts?
[00:17:59] Now maybe grab one of those disposable knives from the cutlery drawer
[00:18:07] and cut each donut in half and then you got plenty and fewer calories
[00:18:13] and fewer steps to make up for it.
[00:18:15] If somebody's acts of service-based, you could hand feed it to them.
[00:18:22] Well, yeah, I mean we could get the supervisors to do that for sure.
[00:18:25] Yeah, for sure.
[00:18:26] That's their role.
[00:18:28] While giving words of affirmation, hand fed.
[00:18:31] Servant leadership.
[00:18:32] You did a great job today rubbing your leg.
[00:18:35] Here comes the airplane.
[00:18:38] I do think that and maybe we could link the quiz
[00:18:44] on the description or whatever.
[00:18:46] I don't know if Tiff does the posting of this stuff.
[00:18:49] She's the best.
[00:18:49] You're the technical wizard.
[00:18:51] Could you link that quiz?
[00:18:52] I absolutely would.
[00:18:54] Because I do, you know, whether it's once a week or as Mormons growing up,
[00:19:01] we had something called family home evening.
[00:19:04] Every, it was traditionally Monday night.
[00:19:07] And I'm sure other cultures and groups of people do something too like that.
[00:19:12] But basically it's like a time that we got together
[00:19:15] and we would teach our kids a lesson
[00:19:17] and then we would usually have like an activity in a treat.
[00:19:20] And we, when we left the Mormon religion,
[00:19:23] we really just carried that on and started calling it Sunday lesson.
[00:19:27] Now we mostly just call it like Sunday family time.
[00:19:30] It's not always a lesson.
[00:19:31] Sometimes it's just like a craft or a game or an activity.
[00:19:36] But during something like that, where it's like a dedicated family time,
[00:19:40] I highly recommend having everyone in your family take this quiz.
[00:19:45] You know, our 11 year old did great with it
[00:19:47] and learned a lot about himself through taking the quiz.
[00:19:50] It's really easy, super simple.
[00:19:53] And also reading the books.
[00:19:55] And they have a lot of different variations of the books.
[00:19:58] Tiff was telling us about some that I hadn't heard of,
[00:20:00] but I highly recommend the original love language book
[00:20:05] and also the love languages for teenagers.
[00:20:09] I got a lot out of that when my children were first starting
[00:20:13] to enter their teenage years.
[00:20:15] It helped me a ton to really try and understand them
[00:20:21] and, you know, love them better.
[00:20:24] I've got an idea.
[00:20:25] What if in the links comments, yada, yada, yada,
[00:20:29] what if we together collaborated
[00:20:33] and put together a little paragraph or novella text
[00:20:38] of a text that our listeners could use?
[00:20:43] You know, one parent that is trying to co-parent
[00:20:47] with the other parent, both of them, you know,
[00:20:49] more or less are not on the same page.
[00:20:51] They don't really like each other.
[00:20:53] But what is that first text of just opening the idea of,
[00:20:57] hey, we should care about love languages for each other
[00:21:00] and for our children, even if we're not in love anymore?
[00:21:04] Like we still need to, like this is what's best for everybody
[00:21:11] from every different angle, every relationship from father
[00:21:14] to son, from father to daughter, from daughter to son,
[00:21:17] siblings from, you know, and using the love languages
[00:21:22] to resalvage, you know, not the love romantic part,
[00:21:28] but to resalvage a relationship in the co-parenting
[00:21:32] to get on the same page.
[00:21:33] And maybe we could, maybe we could write that paragraph
[00:21:37] for you guys and you can, you know, edit it to your specifications.
[00:21:43] But I love that.
[00:21:44] I love it too, because it's like half of the battle
[00:21:47] slash 98 percent of it feels like not knowing what to do
[00:21:51] or say half the time, you know?
[00:21:52] And so like it's not like necessarily we have all the answers.
[00:21:56] But like if there's anything that we could put out
[00:22:00] that is helpful, like there are plenty of times
[00:22:02] where I could have used someone saying, here,
[00:22:04] maybe send this text, you know?
[00:22:06] And and I think it's a great idea.
[00:22:08] Yeah, thanks.
[00:22:10] We will get right on that.
[00:22:12] You guys send that over to me.
[00:22:13] I will read it very soon.
[00:22:15] Yes, for sure.
[00:22:16] I heard you were the novella text writer from Plenio Fish.
[00:22:19] Where are you guys?
[00:22:20] That's right.
[00:22:21] Let's just copy and paste that.
[00:22:22] Zero grammar issues.
[00:22:25] I just recommend starting any text with listen buster
[00:22:28] because people will really pay attention.
[00:22:33] Brilliant. Listen buster.
[00:22:35] And then you can make a nice after that.
[00:22:37] Yeah. Yeah, no, I think that's a great idea to draft a,
[00:22:41] you know, when I left the Mormon church,
[00:22:43] there was a website that gives you all the steps
[00:22:47] because it can be really difficult
[00:22:49] to actually formally leave the Mormon church.
[00:22:52] And so there was a website that offered an email template.
[00:22:57] That's basically what you're talking about
[00:22:59] is like a text template or an email template
[00:23:01] that was a letter to the church saying, I want out.
[00:23:06] And then there was a follow up letter template,
[00:23:08] which I did have to use where you threaten legal action
[00:23:13] if they do not take your name off the records.
[00:23:15] And it was already written.
[00:23:17] All you have to do is put your own dates and name
[00:23:20] or and change whatever you want.
[00:23:22] But it can be sometimes a little bit daunting.
[00:23:24] Ninety eight percent of it is like you're saying,
[00:23:26] you know, Jay is like just figuring out
[00:23:28] how to even throw that idea out there,
[00:23:31] especially when it's a co-parenting situation
[00:23:33] and you guys don't necessarily get along the greatest
[00:23:37] or whatever, just to say, hey, you know,
[00:23:39] I know we've had our differences or whatever,
[00:23:41] but I think this could be really helpful to everybody
[00:23:46] in helping each other just communicate better
[00:23:48] with each other and love each other better
[00:23:50] and help each other feel more understood.
[00:23:53] You know, so yeah, I think we could absolutely do that.
[00:23:56] Good idea, Jake.
[00:23:58] I think all important relationships require vulnerability.
[00:24:03] And when you're talking about co-parents,
[00:24:06] what is almost always the case
[00:24:08] is that you have people who are very concerned
[00:24:11] and their number one focus is the well-being of children.
[00:24:15] But in that there are so many differing ideas
[00:24:19] and opinions about what that can look like
[00:24:21] and how that should go that we are very wary of anyone else.
[00:24:26] Like, you know, sometimes even your own spouse or partner,
[00:24:29] you know, it can be like I disagree
[00:24:31] with what you think is right right now
[00:24:33] and it's vulnerable to open yourself up
[00:24:37] to the idea that you don't have all the answers
[00:24:39] or open yourself up to the idea
[00:24:41] that this person who may have replaced you in some way
[00:24:44] or whatever it might feel like could have answers
[00:24:47] that are helpful for children.
[00:24:49] And so it requires being open
[00:24:53] and saying I don't know exactly what's best,
[00:24:57] but I want you to feel good about this situation
[00:24:59] and I wanna feel good about this
[00:25:01] and I know that we both care what's going on
[00:25:04] with these kids more than anything.
[00:25:06] And I think if people can kind of get over that hurdle
[00:25:10] then things really start to bloom.
[00:25:12] Absolutely.
[00:25:13] And let it.
[00:25:15] Well, this has been great.
[00:25:16] It really has been.
[00:25:17] Less fun without alcohol, but more focused.
[00:25:20] Yeah.
[00:25:21] I had just as much fun.
[00:25:23] Yeah, honestly, I've actually really enjoyed this.
[00:25:26] I just love quality time with you guys.
[00:25:29] I don't know if you guys knew,
[00:25:30] but a lot of us like quality time.
[00:25:33] I did pay attention to that.
[00:25:35] I'm on a vodka IV.
[00:25:37] Okay.
[00:25:38] With slow drip though.
[00:25:38] That's good.
[00:25:39] Exactly me.
[00:25:40] Much.
[00:25:41] Wait, what IV?
[00:25:42] Vodka.
[00:25:43] Oh, you're on a vodka IV?
[00:25:45] For sure.
[00:25:46] It was a gift because Jake's super good at the gifts.
[00:25:48] No share needles.
[00:25:50] That's smart.
[00:25:51] Stuff number one.
[00:25:53] All right guys, well done.
[00:25:55] My languages have been loved today.
[00:25:57] Yes, and we love you all.
[00:25:59] And if there's any way we can love you better,
[00:26:02] let us know in the little chat.
[00:26:05] Sounded hot.
[00:26:07] You guys are the best.
[00:26:08] Thank you so much.
[00:26:09] Love you, bye.
[00:26:10] See you next week.
[00:26:11] Bye.
[00:26:12] Later.